Welcome to Temporal Dysfunction, a place for news. Nothing more. Nothing less. You won't get anything groundbreaking. Hell, some of it may even be old to you. What can be promised is that it won't be the same old same old. Think of it as your mini dose of the SDM ezine. Still concentrated, but just not so much of it. We're always open for new talent, so if you think you can hack out something for this bit of nothingness, drop something here.

10.23.97
The week is almost over and we've neglected one thing. It's red ribbon week. It means that you have to pimp a cause that you only support because it's the thing to do. I don't know what the red ribbon is for. Don't think I'm just bashing one ribbon. I have a problem with all ribbons. By wearing it, and showing your so-called support, what are you really doing? Nothing, really. It doesn't require action to wear a ribbon. If the whole world is wearing the ribbons, then why do the problems still exist. So, go ahead, and wear your badges of hipocrisy and keep the economy stimulated. In all honesty, it's bullshit. The badges may represent freedom of speech, drug abuse, peace, and whatever else is in vogue this season, but they don't mean anything if you're not going to do anything but flash them to the world.

10.22.97
We never discussed Mother Theresea, did we? Well, we won't start now.

10.21.97
In South Carolina, a child is not happy. Normally, that is no surprise. Especially in the south. But this kid had a teacher who felt the need to play connect the dots on his head. All laughter aside, this is a very serious problem. Suppose this caught on everywhere. Teachers may realize their true calling... art. And we all know that artist make more money than teachers, dead or alive. So, I'm saying that this must stop for the sake of the students and the future of this great country.

10.20.97
This is late like no other, but when you're on the toilet, you read things like Entertainment Weekly, even mildly back issues. Some person wrote one of those things to the editor about celebrities who donate money and such to the Tibetan monk cause. This person said that the stars should focus on the problems here in the US. This is a response to that person. First off, I'm sick of tired of seeing celebrities doing good in America. They get paid to anyhow, and if they aren't getting paid, they're getting writeoffs, I'm sure. Forget the the cause in Tibet. It's a waste of time. China doesn't listen to the American Gov't, so what makes these celebrities think it's any different for them. If they want to dedicate their time to humanities in China, there was this thing a while back in Tiennenman Square. That happened for a reason. Media coverage hasn't helped conditions. Furthermore, take a look at China. There are more important matters to concern yourselves with than some monks who are pissing off the gov't.

10.17.97
John Denver IS dead.

10.16.97
The Sierra Club will soon be voting on whether or not to take an anti-immigration stance. For some reason, immigration is bad for the eco-system of the U.S. Don't be surprised if the NRA begins support of a similar stance on immigration. How else do you expect to get in legal human target practice?

10.15.97
The Braves will not be going to the World Series this year. As a Georgian, let me be one of the first to say: "It's about time!" I am happy they aren't going. I hope they don't do it again next year. Hip Hip Hooray!

10.14.97
Louis Farrakhan wants blacks everywhere to honor a day of atonement. To give you the gist, he said that whites would see how "relevant" the black people of this nation are. If the devil is as evil as the good minister says then this day of atonement would be the party the man has been waiting for. Why can't we just have peace? Then again, if there was peace...

10.13.97
In Australia recently, an art exhibit boasting the picture of a crucifix soaked in urine underwent creative differences with, what one would assume to be christians. If anything, the artist responsible should be proud. The ultimate compliment is desecration, you know. Since this is pointless, let me just say that if anyone else did that he would be expelled from school and shoo-ed from the neighborhood that he lived in for most of life since the age of two. Not that that has happened or anything.

10.10.97
With all of the bullshit going on in this world, let's take a moment to remember the important things in life. That was short. So, it's a lazy day. It's been a lazy week. What else do you want?

10.8.97
According to some lame ass tabloid show, Janet Jackson doesn't wish her life on anybody else. Will someone please tell me why the famous say that? I would bitch and moan if it hadn't been her who said that. I can understand why she said that. Anybody, at anytime in their life, who has to stand in the shadow of Tito and Jermaine Jackson is living a nightmare. Then again, it could be worse, she could've been referred to as LaToya's little sister. Imagine that burden to live down. Other than that, why is she complaining about her life? Maybe plastic surgery does things to the mind. Maybe being one of the highest paid singers of all time wracks the creative process. Maybe the fact that she's Micheal's sister is more agonizing than previously claimed by LaToya. I can sympathize. When I get rich I want to have interviews for the sake of bitching about fame and the trouble it brings because the stalkers aren't following like they used to. Seriously.

10.7.97
The professional wrestling world is in mourning for a great athlete. It is rumored that he died due to a drug overdose. We're not here to pay respects to Brian Pillman, but to blast something. If he did indeed die of an overdose, why must this be the major thing being debated? In other words, why in the hell do we have to learn our lessons by watching so-called heroes fall. OJ didn't teach me not beat females. He taught me not to let evidence exist. River Phoenix didn't teach me to stay away from drugs, he taught me that I should do drugs by the hospital. Boris Yeltsin didn't teach me not to drink, he taught me not to do it in public. In other words, for all you people out there who think that there is a lesson to be learned by all of this, you are wrong. Their only lessons to be taught are just ways on how to do things right.

10.6.97
Just this weekend in Washington, D.C. a religious organization showed off. What they did was get around half a million males for the sole purpose of discussing God. The fact that this even went down has me wondering what kind of newsday it was that this got on the frontpage of my paper. Just so you know, they have no aspirations to move into the political arena. Good. The last time religion got mixed into politics, the "religious right" didn't get but raised a lot of hell. It was a pain. As long as the PROMISE KEEPERS stay out of politics, I'll be yelling "hallelujah!"

10.3.97
Two bits today, children. First, a $3,000 pay raise was passed for YOUR members of senate and the house. I, for one, am proud of them. It has been awhile since the last one and I think that anyone who has to put up with those shenanigans up there in Washington should get a raise. Think of this way: it could be much worse. You could be getting a pay raise. Getting one, would mean mass hysteria since such a feat isn't often. But in Washington, they're used to these things and will know how to handle it.

The second bit? Some kid in Mississippi went on a rampage that took the lives of his ex-girlfriend and mother as well as someone else. I was very disappointed in reading this until I did find the obliagatory "he was a nice guy" quote. Without it, I wouldn't know how to describe the lunatic. If you think I'm feeding off of misery, get over it, because everyone from the custodian to the wacko's bus driver from the Church picnic from '87 is going to get interviewed and none of them are going to tell you that anybody who goes on a rampage because he got dumped is a fucking moron. Instead, you'll get fed the bullshit about how he was sweet and innocent. In closing, let me just tell you that anybody who does something that stupid over something so trivial is a psycho, not a nice guy.

10.2.97
catholic bishops in the u.s. issued a statement urging parents to accept, love, and respect their homosexual children, despite the fact that they're obviously going to go to hell. while urging this unexpected tolerance of homosexual children, the catholic church continues to insist that sexual intercourse should be limited to a man and a woman within a marriage. not since dennis miller appeared in a victoria secret's commercial has a public flip-flopped so violently on an issue. my opinion: this is just the first step in a movement that will create an excuse for priests who "like" their altar boys a little much.

10.1.97
There's news today, but I don't care. I just want to give you a list of the people coming out with books or have books already. If you want, drop me a line and tell me why we shouldn't be giving up hope on the world. Jenny McCarthy, Pamela Lee, Sinbad, Kim Coles, at least one of the Wayans, Issabella Rosselini, Kurt Loder (with various rock stars), and David Hasselhoff. I might be wrong on the last one, but if someone thought Pamela Lee had something worth reading, there's bound to be an audience for him as well. On a related note, Hanson and the Spice Girls are doing movies. The latter has been made and the former are beinging approached to do MY THREE SONS! If that happens, then I'm nominated that girl who played Cindy (Brady Bunch) for a lifetime achievement award.