Could you please take me off of this list?

I've always enjoyed reading other people's thoughts, but writing about Princess Diana was too much. I don't want to be a part of that.

Our response:

Funny. Never would I have ever thought that Max could call it on the button. We lost a subscriber due to this issue. I'm not sorry and I doubt anyone with power on our side of sdm is either. If anything, it's great publicity. We've discussed many things before and never lost a subscriber due to it. Male issues, female issues, censorship issues, personal issues, it goes on. All of a sudden we dissect the memory of a dead woman and what happens? What a shame. I'm not sorry.

One more, so here goes.

Paul:

Recently, I was on the computer and accidentally clicked on a piece of email intended for Max. This has happened before and normally I just close it and go about my business. However, something caught my attention. Actually, two things: "DIe DIe DIe" and the quote you had listed at the top. I would have deleted this email had it not been for seeing my son's name accredited to an article. This had me interested, so I read his piece.

I am sadly disappointed in you Paul. Even though you are not the same age as Max, I thought you respected him. I have spoken to him about Socially Deranged Mentality, and he has told me that on a regular basis, you subject him to verbal abuse and make fun of him because unlike some of the people behind this so-called publication he has wholesome values. I know your mother Paul, and I know how you were raised. I don't know where some of what you said came from, but you were raised better than that. You should be ashamed of yourself. You weren't raised to insult your friends or mock the dead. If you don't watch it, you could end up in some very hot water. I highly suggest you re-think what you're doing here.

Since I have cut off Max's internet access for a month he was not able to tell you this, but he can no longer write for your so-called publication. I don't think it's good for the self-esteem of a fifteen year old boy to be mistreated by his friends by the way you have mistreated Max. What you have done to them will more than likely cause him serious personal problems somewhere down the line. -Janice Reagan

pg. 178
The Pissing Grounds
by: Paul B. Whitley

Do I hold myself responsible for every word you read in an issue of SDM or every one that pops up on the site? Yes I do. We're controversial in nature but there isn't a chance in hell that what we do could be remotely considered "shock value." Those who write for us are competent and damn good and I would like to think that when they write, they want others to recognize talent and intelligence not jump up and yell.

Since the beginning, there have been five instances of controversy. The DIe issue, the male issue, G. Nih Ton, Dave Black, and lockout. The latter 3 are writers who sparked controversy, but it wasn't time after time after...

In those instances, everything done was justified, backed up by strong evidence, or done because the author believed in what he said. I believe that for somebody to pull out because we do something that the rest of the world considers taboo is ridiculous. It is utter bullshit for a mother to restrict her son from using the internet, because he happens to read the "F-Word." I didn't make the word up, nor did I conjure up the quote. I had the choice not to use the quote, but I felt it appropriate considering the theme of the issue.

pg. 17
i wanna be a superhero
by: styrofoamqueen² .

1.you have to wear tiny little skin tight outfits, usually consisting of hotpants, a midriff vest and kneehigh boots. You don't get a cape, but if it's any consolation you get a poncy little tiara for your hair.

2.have breasts, which in relation to your incredibly slim, yet curvy body are impossibly huge.

3.perfect long flowing hair and make-up.

Oh, and most female superheroes aren't actually superheroes. They're sidekicks of male superheroes who are ultimately bigger, stronger and have more magic powers than her (on Cartoon Network even Wonder Woman was shown as a sidekick to Superman and some other guy with a big cape and superhuman strength) Basically she just gets to stand around and look sultry while he exhibits his superhuman powers.

What is wrong with this? It's time to stand up for female superheroes everywhere. Starting from tonight I will become "Styrofoam Woman", with my sidekick "Polysterene Man" (note that he's my sidekick, not vice-versa. I'm going to be the superhero in this cartoon thankyou very much) I will fly round saving the world from evil giant creatures (and occasionally rescuing Polysterene Man when he gets scared) I'll get wear cool clothes, which have a little more material than a pair of underwear, and get a big flowing cape, and magic powers, and superhuman strength. Polysterene Man will get to wear little skin tight thongs, and have the superhuman power of an ant.

A typical episode would consist of me fighting some big, mutated creature. and i mean fighting. forget negotiating with him (i'll give you my favourite lipstick if you leave the earth alone) i would kick his ass with my superhuman powers, while good ol' Polysterene Man stands around yelling cheers from the sideline.

So maybe my show won't really become a big hit. It'll offend the male chauvinists who write the regular superhero cartoons. "messing with the traditional blueprint of superheroes," they'll complain. But I don't care. As long as I get superhuman strength, magic powers, and a big cape so that I can fly, I'm happy enough. Who needs good viewer ratings when you can fly?

top

pg. ---
The Obligatory Poetry Corner

We've been saying for awhile now that we wanted to do a special weird email edition. Simple enough? Maybe not, which is why we are going to give you some samples of what we are looking for. Basically, we want real emails. Who sent them does not matter? If it's real, we change some names, and run it. If not, then what have you lost. If you've a message(s), go ahead and send in the wackiness to stu06311@aug.edu

Here goes our first sample:

From: "Jane Doe"
To: lordmorpheus@doe.com
Subject: i have the bill...
Date: Thu, 16 Jul 1998 23:49:00 CDT

i have your dollar bill....you know..the one you wrote all over and then put your mail addy on it...
mail me..and i might give you a special treat...*grin*

just kidding...but i might be able to give you a blow..or somthing...*LOL*
later.
-Jane Doe-

pg. 522
The Dignity Files
by: Pete (dwain).

*22* STRAWBERRY! RASPBERRY! LIBRARY!

On Tuesday, April 26, 1988, the principal threw one of his legendary conniption fits because I set my books in the middle of the floor at lunch instead of off to the side. "Let's move your library over here!" he exclaimed. His exaggerated use of the term "library" was reminiscent of the Fruit Roll-Ups commersh where a man drove around a village in a truck yelling, "Strawberry!" and, "Raspberry!" at folks.

*23* WHAT IS STRESS?

In biology class one day, a guy who lived next to the school was outside mowing his lawn. The sound of the lawn mower pierced the classroom.

When the lawn mower stopped, the teacher said--loudly enough for the next-door neighbor to hear him--"Stress is the burning desire to beat the living crap out of some asshole who runs their lawn mower near the school building."

*24* LOOK BEFORE YOU LEAP

Brossart's version of sex ed is little more than political propaganda, unsubstantiated gossip, and capricious lies. The school's attitude towards sex can be summed up in one word: NO!

Parts of the course were not dishonest, but they were too vague to be useful. For example, the priest who taught sex ed--why do they  have a priest teaching this anyway?--said, "Think twice before you have sex, people. Look before you leap!" He did not elaborate.

During the unit on sexually transmitted diseases, he mentioned gonorrhea.

Some wise guy in the front row crowed, "If you get gonorrhea, you're a goner!"

College is total bullshit. It's all about making money. First of all it's bad enough they raise tuition each year at my school, and they don't give a crap if you cant pay or whatever. But then you have to buy the books. That is a nightmare in itself if you consider the lines, the prices and the stupid stupid stupid people that work there.. Its funny how these people always act like you are interrupting them at something so important, when they are just sitting on their fat asses doing jack shit.

I had to buy two books for my International Business class...one i had already so i just needed one more. Now the school bookstore sells the two books as either a package, or as separate pieces. when i went there weren't any single pieces left, so i went to the info desk where they answer questions with the strange notion that they might be able to help me. WRONG AGAIN. Stupid girl you don't get help at the help desk. So anyway it had been a long day and i was tired, so i was working extra hard to keep my mouth quiet and be polite and not be nasty.. cause i know how i get...well im waiting at that counter for about ten minutes before some girl comes by...she sees me and then walks away. For the next 10-15 minutes she walks into the booth sees me then walks away. I was starting to wonder what the hell her problem was. I thought maybe she was helping someone else so i just sat tight and waited for her. And then lo and behold she is talking to the stock boy, who by the way isn't stocking anything but rather stuffing his face with chips. Now i was fuming...

The girl was being such a stuck-up, snobby brat i wanted to choke her, so i left. And i went to my professor who called the book store who told him that i could exchange the book i had for the package...(i didn't know if I could do that because i didn't have the receipt since i got it from someone else.) So anyway i went back pissed cause i was still going to end up paying more than i should've for a book that isn't even in my major...but when i got there, someone had just returned the book i needed so i bought it.

The thing that really pissed me off about this whole ordeal is the fact that with everything at that school they wont budge one inch to help the student, who is there to learn damnit and is already spending an enormous amounts of money for books they will most likely never ever need again, and they can't sell back because each year is a new version, in which they add a picture, and jack up the price..

pg. 1
The Next Generation Dies Horribly
by: Son Of Armchair

There used to be a time, when one could actually catch a "live" performance on mtv award shows. There were exposes on that "news" program they boast about how lip synching was bad, and mtv wasn’t hypocritical back then. Concerts kicked ass on mtv. However, this was not the case for this year’s mtv vma. Everyone was dead. As free as it may be, I felt ripped off. Furthermore, I didn't want to bob my head, sing along, or laugh at the bullshit of the gimmicks presented.

Getting back to my point, the thing that really got me was the lip synching. Living in a region where Master P is the honorary spokesperson for suburban reality, I have to say I was disappointed with the quality of lip choreography. A real party popper would've got the crowd going, but not Master P. Instead, all I saw were hands moving and people jumping. Did I hear any noice? Of course not. Studio recordings do not usually have crowds cheering. Someone should tell mtv that one part of a concert does include a crowd.