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pg. 49. . .Editorials & Such |
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"Don't you
ever fuckin' die?" Fun Boy, The Crow pg. 9 Editorials: Here you go. Two editorials from the same person.From Peachie Again from Peachie Even though it's been awhile, we still know how to respond. From Fearless leader... More than anything, this has got to be some sort of a joke. But if it's not, then my response would not be fun. Ergo, let's assume that this is very serious. I don't want to waste too much space, so just read the pissing grounds so my tangents need not be duplicated. The such: Be sure to check out our special interview with a murderer of Princess DIe. It's an exclusive and it's right here. Well, fearless leader will discuss the rest of the issue, so my job for today is to discuss an upcoming issue. I don't know when it will take place, but we're giving you guys enough time to prepare. It's our WACKY E-MAIL SPECTACTULAR!!! What we want are those crazy emails you've gotten. It doesn't matter what in the hell they are as long as you've received them. Hell, they can even be ones you've sent. There's one catch. We want the honor system on this one. Please don't go writing up crap just on our account. We're important, but c'mon. There is no deadline as of this moment, and more details are bound to follow, but send you kooky emails to the guy behind this. pg. 178 I don't wish to see this issue as an insult to the memory of what seemed to be a good person. Instead, I see it as a protest (spoof if you will) against the tarnished memory that has been pimped, molested, distorted, and utterly destroyed to the point where it is almost impossible to not hate the person behind the image. In a way, that was a response to the editorials. If the person was serious and is expecting us to back down from doing what we're doing, then forget it, because I am fed up with everybody holding onto this woman like she's alive and the salt of the earth. She was of a good nature, but she had faults and she's dead. Not only that, but I believe that she was responsible for her own death. I say give it up, because I've declared war on the fact that the world refuses to see what I've just stated. As for Mother Theresa, I've yet to say anything negative about the woman, even though I've got this thing against the Catholic Church. On our website, she has been given a moment of silence, so to speak. I don't even think Phil Hartman was even mentioned when he died and I hold him in a much higher esteem. And if you think I should protect the holier than real image of Princess DIe because Mother Theresa, why should I? Send your letters to the real whore mongers at the magazines who sincerely offer covers to Princess DIe now, even though she is worthless to humanity now that she no longer exists. I hope something in there made some sense to you. pg. 007 1. We forget. This will not happen, because it's impossible. Every time we see an actor and a member of the famed paparazzi lock up on Entertainment Tonight, we will be remind of what this "great tragedy" and how the possibility will arise again. 2. We go through another year of mourning. Possible? In this world, always. Basically, this is an add on/argument to number one. Without the additional year, would the movies, cds, books, calendars, benefits, etc., etc., etc. be in good taste? Of course not, because the folks making all that money would be accused of drudging up a past best left buried. And besides we need a number two in order for number two to happen successfully. 3. "We" let it happen again. Remember Waco? Of course you do, but you almost forgot until that fateful event called The Oklahoma City Bombing happened. You think it was all planned and carried out by some right wing zealots, right? Wrong. The guys responsible were thinking of marketing rights and it would've all been done successfully had it not been for some tasteless schmuck who decided to sell the t-shirt with that dead baby on it. Just think of all the marketing the OK tragedy could've gotten. A movie of the week on all networks and HBO, coverage on all talk/news shows repeatedly... somehow, a feature film loosely based on the events that transpired, a tv series about a cop responsible for something having to do with it, a video game where you catch the bad guys, and most importantly the books. There could've been 37 books about McVeigh, 10 by family members. Each prosecutor would get a book deal, as well as the defense (most likely a combined effort). And to top it all off about 47 books about the guy who was nothing more than a sketching. If you ask me, my money's on 3 and I can picture how it will happen. Prince William will most likely take the family Bently for a joy ride, leading his bodyguards on quite a journey. Naturally, anybody who repels down cliffs as dangerously as Prince Will is bound to drink and drive so there you have it. Except this time, the bodyguards can not only live to tell a story, they remember what story is to be told. They profit, they're family profits, Will's girl profits, t-shirt manufacturers profit, Elton John profits, and most importantly the other prince starts to get noticed by name and becomes King. Everybody, and I do mean everybody wins. If you remember anything about this tragedy remember this much: it only counts if it can be sold. Never let things of potential importance happen in vain. Not only will you lose out on something big, but what will happen to you once the world forgets. Remember that guy who saved that girl from the well in Texas? Exactly. pg. 17 Being a Brit I guess i oughta have some really deep feelings about Princess Diana. Well, umm, *thinks about deep feelings* maybe they'll come later. Let's think where I was when i heard. I'd immigrated to America just 2 short days before and was sitting on the floor in an extend-stay America place (for people who have nowhere to live basically, i have since moved on to a nice little apartment, then back to England) I was watching the news and playing guitar when the news reporter announced that Di was seriously hurt. I thought nothing of it (the royals are forever getting hurt. The queen mother almost choked to death on a fish bone) and it was only hours later when she was actually dead, when the feelings sunk in. I had a slight twinge of homesickness, mourning for my beautiful country and then a general feeling of disinterest. Yes, I couldn't give a fuck really. To me, and most of the British people I know (my friends, family, boyfriend etc) she was a source of amusement and gossip, forever being ridiculed by the Sun (trashy tabloid paper) Dont write me off as a heartless bitch, sure it was a tradgedy, aren't all losses of human life, but nothing special. Then a few weeks later, I started school. As soon as people realised I was English the questions started. "Did you hear about Princess Diana?" Yes. "Were you upset?" No "Was your family upset?" No. " Did you like her?" Not especially. "So you're not upset?" No (again). "Did you cry?" Erm... No. (please excuse the repetition) So there you go. Princess Di's death from a British point of view, news from the nation of mourning, which wasn't really that in mourning, just took the chace for a little sympathy, days off work (practically everywhere closed for a few days, just to show respect) and worldwide media coverage (It's a little island. we need all the publicity we can get) A year later nothings changed. Instead of ridiculing Princess Di, The Sun has moved to the size of Prince Charles's ears, and "is Prince William really the sexiest teen in Britain?" Life goes on for Britain. We're more interested in the antics of President Clinton than dead princesses. toppg. --- by: R. Tissun Oan snuffed I have to care now She's so special She's so pure What a victim. Do I give a damn? My mother would get the coverage? My wife? My daughter? Who in the hell is she? Must've been royalty Even then... why should I care? pg. 522 Alibi #6 by: Pete Where was I on that fateful night? At home, channel surfing. It was a Saturday. It was around 11:45pm and if I remember correctly Saturday Night Live had been running some decent episodes up to that point. Actually, they were still running crap. What actually happened was that my favorite episode of Mad TV came on. The one with Ike Turner as himself. The first time this episode came out, I remember channel surfing and coming up on an SNL with DeNiro and Pesci beating down some idiots who I think may now be on that pop culture milk carton that is mtv. Well, if I had any luck the episode would be back on to counter a damn good Mad TV, so I switched. Instead, I got what I believed to be the wittiest, if not funniest SNL episode to date. "Ladies and gentlemen, we think the princess may be seriously hurt." Being a fan of Monty Python, Kids in the Hall, and The State I assumed that this was a sketch. I was just wondering who would be saying "Live from New York it's Saturday Night!" (Our late night shows run odd times around here) I left the sketch to get something to drink, then came back. The sketch was still on. I surfed some channels and happened upon CNN. Same sketch. Since when did SNL get that worthwhile? Ladies and gentlemen, the princess had been seriously hurt. I hold no guilt trip, because in all honesty, it's a pretty funny mistake if take away the death aspect of it all. pg. 12 Alibi #4 by: anonymous For some reason, I don't see much purpose to doing all of this, but nevertheless I will do it. I heard about the accident five minutes after my mother heard about it. After it soaked in, she came rushing into my room to tell me. She didn't knock, she just yelled. It was as if my teacher had died and took the proof of an A with him. I had just been asleep for two hours; the first bit of sleep for over a day. Sleep is precious to me. I have a pattern to maintain, and for a week the "great" Princess messed it up, just as I was getting it all together... again. pg. 1999 My .02$ by: Max Reagan Once again it comes down to me. As usual, somebody here has to be the voice of "goodness" and since nobody else here possesses such traits, I have to be the one to make a stand. I will not discuss the death of the Princess in the way that they want me to do. I will not mar her memory by making her out to be some sort of ill-fated rider on the highway to Hell. She was a good person, and she should be remembered as such, which is why I want to do my best to make sure that this woman's will have at least one clean spot in this issue. It is sad that Princess Diana and Mother Theresea had to die so close to each other, because when they both died, humans lost two people worth their weight in gold, and then some. What I remember about these two women could fill a book, but since that's too long, let me sum it all up with similarities. It is funny that two women from such different backgrounds could be so similar and have some of the same goals. Both believed in helping the unfortunate. For Mother Theresea, it was a calling that consumed her with such a vigorous passion. For Princess Diana it was something that she didn't have to do as a member of royalty but chose to do so out of her love for the people. [Editor's note: Forgive me. Normally I don't do things like this, but this article is over a page long and he repeats himself many times over. It is disturbing in that he seems to be obsessed with the so-called greatness of these women. A greatness in his eyes that I doubts really exists. Since I am sure that you have gotten the point, I'll just remove everything between then and the last paragraph. Hopefully, something like this will never happen again.] It is my hope that the people here at SDM will come to their senses and realize that what they are doing is wrong, because those women have done more for society that these guys ever will. True, it was tragedy that these women were lost while they were still doing so much, but the real tragedy is the people like Paul, Pete, and antihero are so hell bent on "pissing" on a clean memory that should otherwise be cleaner that a fresh bed of snow. pg. 113.5 0nce upon a time... ...8 2 7 IT passes... ...8 3 1 ...and we lived Alibi #1 by: Marisa So ya really wanna know what was going through my mind when Princess Di died? Well I suppose you do or else you wouldn't have put that in the last SDM. First of all I don't remember it happening 8.31.98 around 10pm Eastern like it says there. I remember waking up from a nap and seeing some details on TV because my parents were watching that, and then I went back to sleep a few hours and woke up and it was still there. Then my dad apparently got sick of it and was watching something else. I hauled my fat ass out of bed and went online and sat there like the useless mutant blob I am until my friend Becky came online and told me Princess Di was dead. So I got to inform my parents. I knew who she was and all but it didn't particularly affect me in any way and the kids at my school didn't give a shit when the teachers were trying to form discussions about it. Including me, I just wanted to take a nap. That's all I'm ever out to do, take a nap. There's this quote from the local paper on the wall by my dad's bed that reads, "You can always get another job, but a nap untaken is an opportunity lost forever." That pretty much explains me except that I'm 15 years old and I've never had a job before. I just do a whole lotta nothin and spend more than half my life online doing even less, so nothing ever really affects me. I need to get out more often. Princess Diana Biorhythm by: FoxXy I was supposed to do a review for SDM on the special that was going to talk about the Princess. Unfortunately I was not able to see the preview that I wanted to, but I did see one for the MTV special-Biorhythms. Well, I thought, since it's on MTV they probably butchered it. But I have to say with the brief overview they showed, it should be pretty interesting. Princess Diana was originally a "commoner" that married a prince, which is what made it such a wonderful story to the public. Kind of like a dream come true, and it was. The Princess, from what many have said about her, was a wonderfully caring person that helped those less fortunate than her. She gave of her time and money in causes that were extremely worthy. But being the slightly ignorant person I am, I have no idea what those causes were. I do know she did a lot of work with children. Which I think was a very commendable thing on her part. Many people get wealth, fame, money and then forget where they came from, this was not the case with her. I would probably watch the DIe show because I would like to learn more about her and what made her so unique and special to people. I give it two thumbs. pg. 1 by: Armchair Critic Easy topic, hard content. It seems like I've written what I'm about to do so many times before. Well, at least once. Surely, I have gone off on a tangent about these people who have decided to albums in the name of Princess DIe, but decide that they are holier-than-thou and to prove it they donate the proceeds to the princess' favorite charity. Such actions wreak of bullshit, and if I haven't told you by now you're about to find out how. There are more important things in this world than a cause deemed worthy only because of one person's name. Sure she's made cancer stricken children happy by touching the back of their hands and moving on to the next bed, but other than that, what makes her so special? There are unsung heroes out there who do more than grace the world with their presence. Such people are cleaning up bed pans of loved ones, attempting to fulfill dying wishes, and just bleeding, crying, and sweating for people who will ultimately die horribly in the eyes of their caregivers. These are the people who deserve a dedication album, not some high and mighty anorexic flake who does a binge and purge routine to gain the pity of the world. To take my point even deeper, why do people buy the single of some guy doing a recycled song? If he really cared, wouldn't attempt to write an original song with original music. From what I've heard, Marilyn Monroe and Princess DIe don't even compare. Sure they were helplessly hung up on being accepted by a cruel world, but who isn't? If you ask me, neither deserve a song, not like this. Just to deviate for a sec, if Elton John's motives were really pure, would he have tacked the single on the end of a single for his album? I don't think so, it should've come out fresh, with only this: the song, the date, and the occasion. Nothing else would be needed. I've made a couple of points this time around and if you ask me one year from now, hopefully I'll have forgotten about this woman. She never did good for me, and chance are she never did jack for you either. If you're mourning get over it, because if she could come back right now and get a look at you all, I really don't think she'd give a damn about any of you. pg. 37 Here you go folks, the guilty parties. That's right if you killed Princess DIe, then we did too. Queen Mother. . . . .Paul B. Whitley Not to sound corporate or anything, but this is the way it goes. The newsletter and its concept belongs to Mongoose Type Entertainment. Anything written belongs to the respective authors, so please don't go ripping any of us off. We're not getting paid for this, and you shouldn't either, so don't be an asshole, go write something yourself. Give credit where credit's due. Everyone here does what seems to be a good job, so all we're asking is that you respect that. Why should the pieces be on the floor in the first place? |
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