It’s funny how some things end up. Everyone in their life sets out to do one thing and more than likely, they end up doing something else. Some roll with the punches in an attempt to find an ending. Others do their best to start over. No matter what, when it happens as it wasn’t, everyone wants to do it over. Nobody can, so why should they try. They should just hope for the best and be glad that it isn’t worse.

Charles and Katrina are a typical couple. Every week, they eat at the same place. A small town diner. Up until this moment, everyone thought everything was alright. As usual, nothing is as it seems. Everyday is the same day except this one. From point A to point B, nothing is ever granted, so why assume it’s that it’s always going to be great?

Katrina, you have done so much in so little to make my life the greatest. There hasn’t been a second gone by where I don’t wish that time could just stop and we would have all eternity to be together. As the minutes go by, I further convinced that I want you to be with me forever. Katrina, will you marry me?

The more I think about it, the more I am convinced that this whole thing was nothing more than a big mistake. I figure if I call this thing, this relationship off right now, we can save ourselves sanity and time. You know and I know that it’s an absolute waste, so just get out of here and we’ll call it a day.

He slides his hand under the table booth and reaches into his pocket. He pulls out the engagement ring, a gold band with a transparently black stone as a centerpiece. His future ex-wife weeps tears of joy and he shows it to her, flashing the stone he once gave her as a gift. The way he went about getting the stone back for his other gift is another story. Stay tuned, maybe it’ll get told.

What’s that?

The bill for all expenses incurred during this relationship. I expect it to be paid back in full within thirty days.

I can’t believe this. This is that apache’s tear you gave me a long time ago. How’d you get it?

You tell me.

Tell you what? I’m not doing any sort of payment system. This was a relationship, not a layaway plan.

You wasted this money away. If the relationship doesn’t work out, then I think I should get something back. It was a waste of my time. I told you that. I expect some sort of a refund. Eighty five percent at least.

Can we afford to get married right now?

I figured it out, honey. We’re both working stable jobs right now, so we don’t have to worry about a backlash of debt. If we plan it just right, you know, bare bones; we can do for just under three thousand.

Three thousand? That doesn’t sound right.

The hell you say. Dinner, movies, those two trips to the mountain, gas, and a whole bunch of little shit that I’m probably still getting gypped on. It adds up so pay up.

This is just too crazy.

Do you think we’re moving too fast?

No, no, no. That’s not it. It’s just that

Just that you owe me a lot of money.

Didn’t I put anything into this relationship?

Quit mocking me. Why do you want to break up?

Because you’re weak. You’re so sensitive it makes me sick. Aren’t you a man?

No, I’m not going to think about anything. You owe me money.

I owe you shit. This makes absolutely no sense. Why should you collect from me if I’m not collecting from you? Why can’t we be friends?

Why can’t we be friends?

Because I don’t even want to be seen in the same room with you. You embarrass me. You lack masculinity you wimp.

I do not have any idea when we should do it, but I want it to be soon.

How soon?

I’m thinking by the end of the month.

That’s too much money to get in one month.

Well I just want this to be over with.

Not as much as I do. I hate you.

A slap.
A slap.
A loving embrace.

She stares in disbelief.
She leaves, smiling.
She smiles.

Do you love me?

Of course I do, why?

I can’t wait.

Does it matter? I won’t pay this anyway.

The food wasn’t that bad. The service was kind of lackluster and the food was less than hot, but we should at least pay minus tip.

What advice could you possibly give me?

Elope.

Are you serious?

Yes.

You’d never win this in court. What kind of crap runs through your mind?

Please honey, not so loud. Don’t make a scene. The food was not that bad. Let’s just pay and leave.

I’m not paying anything and I won’t leave until this is straightened out.

As she stares at her recently engaged fiancée, she can’t help but to look at him and imagine the future that she will have with the man of her dreams. She is certain that things will work out perfectly for the two of them. She also wonders at what age will they die together.

60… 65… 70… 75… 80

Nothing. I will pay no percentage of it.

It’s just food. These people have to make a living and they can’t do that with the way your acting.

I’m not so sure that eloping is such a great idea.

Do you have any other ideas?

For starters, there needn’t be any other ideas. The food was terrible and you’re not man enough to tell them that. I told them it was terrible and I will not pay for it.

But Katrina

No Charles. I want my entire family to be there. If we elope, that won’t happen.

It better happen, because I’m not leaving this thing with nothing to show for it.

At this moment, I looked into her eyes. Staring at her across this table is like being separated by the grand canyon. Her green eyes were a forest I long to be lost in. The tears that swelled up waiting for the clearance to rain were going to drown me. I wanted her to smile and she wouldn’t even do it for me. At this moment, I wanted to bask in their light. I couldn’t do any of things, because she wouldn’t let me get close enough. I couldn’t even get close to figure out why.

She was pissed at me and now I knew why. I can’t say that I was sorry for what I had done. I was taking a stand for those who walked away with nothing. Not because they wanted to, but because they had to. I was entitled to that which I had given her. What I gave to her was given to her under the impression that this thing was permanent.

It will be. We’ll live happily ever after.

You’re freaking me out here. Are you sure that my brother meant anything sexual by it?

Yes, you are a coward. If you can’t tell someone how to do their job, then you’re pathetic.

Her blue eyes boiled at me. For some reason she was agitated with me. I could see it. I could barely make out the mumbles she ranted out. I had pissed her off for some reason. It wasn’t intentional, but it’s always my fault. What else is new?

Have you gotten a spine recently?

No.

Why do we have to elope? I want to be with my family.

This is why things didn’t work out between us. You’re always disagreeing with me.

If you weren’t always wrong, then we wouldn’t have this problem.

The problem is that I just want it to be just us and not a whole bunch of people just stopping by for free food. If we elope, we won’t have to worry about anyone but ourselves.

Are you threatening me?

No, I just want my money. When I get it, everything will be alright.

I know it will. I just want at least have a semi-traditional wedding. Please. This is very important to me.

It’s important to me to, which is why I this done fast.

It’ll take some time.

How long?

I think 4 weeks.

How long?

Six months.

So you’ve been cheating on me for most of the relationship. Were there any others?

No one else was there. He did it when everyone was gone to church.

We don’t need a church to get married. That’s just a technicality.

Why must you see this relationship as some sort of failed business venture. We’re breaking up. That’s agreed upon, but can’t we let the good times last as they were instead of some sort of refund?

As the pursuit for frivolous misuse of the justice system went on, Charles couldn’t but help to realize that his choice seemed more than right. Surely she should’ve been expecting this and chose to make his life the hell she had made it for the last of these six months. He had been sloppy about it and when she found it, she decided to make it even more difficult. What did he do wrong? Did she see him saving the receipts? Had she peaked at his notes? This was not going as planned.

But we have to elope.

Charles, this is ridiculous. It’s over.

You don’t take me seriously.

I will take you seriously when you quit trying to cash in on what we had.

Why is it so important to elope?

I don’t want to wait.

Nothing will change.

But you have to pay me the money.

Why is that?

We’ve gone twenty five years without sex.

She holds back a giggle.
She holds back the tears… and the funds.
She wants to scream at his denial.
She begins to break up with him.
She smiles at his determination.
She laughs at his naivete.
She loves the father of her child to be.

I’m only telling you this, because I can’t do it anymore. You’re brother wants me to marry him.

You can’t do that!

I can and I will.

Why?

Because you’re weak. You’re so sensitive it makes me sick. Aren’t you a man?

Yes, I’ll talk to him about it.

Charles wanted to break bones.
Charles wanted to break bones.
Charles was determined break bones.
Charles wanted to jump the bones.
Charles was owed forty five dollars for a gift of replica dinosaur bones.

Does anyone else know about this?

I just found out this morning.

Girl or boy?

I don’t know.

You have to know. This is important. Did he rape you?

He did something to me that you could never understand.

Are you bluffing?

Once someone decides to get a refund on something this important, bluffing flies out the window. I’m serious.

I don’t know how this could’ve happened. Chauncey would never do this to me. This is my brother. What kind of a brother does this sort of thing? It’s inhumane. I want him dead. I’ll kill him. Bastard. Fucking bastard. Son of a bitch. I’m going to kill him.

I don’t know how this could’ve happened. Chauncey would never do this to me. This is my brother. What kind of a brother does this sort of thing? It’s inhumane. I want him dead. I’ll kill him. Bastard. Fucking bastard. Son of a bitch. I’m going to kill him.

Take it like a man and don’t go crazy. It wasn’t his fault, it was mine.

Why?

Ever since I was a little girl, I was supposed to get married the old fashioned way. You know, the family, the ceremony, the reception. Everything Charles. It’s not just my parents, but me too. It doesn’t have to be in a church, but it has to be a real wedding.

You’re foolish.

Why, because I’m the one who can handle a break up? You’re so warped, it’s not even funny.

What’s funny is that he was just telling me how strong he felt our relationship was. It’s all a load of shit. Why did this happen?

I don’t know Charles, but I want him to pay.

No dear, you will pay and you will pay every cent before leaving.

Oh really. Watch me leave without paying you a damn thing.

And with that she was gone, her eyes full of the anger she had every right to exude.

This can’t happen. I want you to go home and I’ll go take care of everything.

And with that he was gone, his eyes full of the anger he had every right to exude.

Don’t do anything stupid.

What? I’m not the one sleeping around like a slut.

Charles was slapped.

How about the name?

Charles Chauncey James, the third?

That wasn’t exactly what I had in mind.

Why not? Marriage is marriage and the more you have, the harder it is. If we elope, things happen quicker and cheaper. What’s wrong with that?

I don’t really like that name.

But that’s my name and my father’s name. How can you not like it.

It’s so cheap and it’s the kind of thing you see on talk shows. I don’t want a talk show lifestyle.

Please.

No.

Please.

No.

But I love that name.

It’s a lousy idea and if you can’t accept it, then maybe things won’t work out after all.

Well, what if we have a small ceremony. You invite your friends and family and do it at your folks house. After that, we can order pizza, open gifts, and go on a honeymoon. You’re neighbor’s a priest. That should be free right? That leaves us with just under three thousand for a honeymoon or something else. What do you think of that idea?

Chauncey Charles? That’s even worse. Besides, we don’t even know it it’ll be a boy.

We don’t!

I’m sorry.

Where did it all go?

Some bill from the wedding. I hadn’t heard anything about it until last week and they wanted immediate payment. I had no choice.

You always have a choice. If you don’t have a flamboyant wedding, your parents can’t make you have one. It’s your choice. Why don’t we just go right now. We can be set in a few hours.

This is crazy.

How else do you expect us to keep the house? You’re parents won’t know. How often does your dad check the safe? We could be in and out and pay it off gradually.

Why don’t you ask him?

I don’t think your father wants me to marry you at all.

That’s stupid.

He won’t give us the money. Besides, we’ve borrowed enough already. I still have to pay him off for the car.

You know what? Sometimes you make no sense.

You can’t blame me for wanting to get married quickly.

But if you love me, you can wait a month or so. Besides, why do we have to wait to have sex.

That’s how I was raised. If you need something really really bad, take it. It’ll all work out in the end.

How? You want to brand our child with these hideous names. He’ll be picked on every day of his life.

I always got picked on.

I know honey.

I don’t want to get picked on again. I want to be able to stop putting with other people’s shit.

It’s not that bad. You make it sound so much worse.

Why not? You cheated on me with my brother.

It’s not as if this was such a good relationship.

What was wrong with it?

I always picture those names as wimpy names. I’m not saying I want a Butch, but I don’t my child to hate me for giving him a wimpy name.

I disagree.

About what?

There was never anything wrong with what we had going. I thought we had a good thing.

You’re so foolish.

Because I’m waiting until I’m married?

No. Because you want to get married so you can get it.

You’ve got nothing? Prove it to me.

If we steal from my father, I’ll never be able to look at him again?

Well, if it really is like that, then I’m leaving. Tell my brother to fuck off and I’ll see you two in hell.

He ran out in tears.
He wanted sex.
He ran out of money.
He wanted an ending.

I want more of a reason.

I don’t want my child to be named after his father. Suppose something bad happens to you or you do something bad. He will be haunted by your name until the day he dies.

That’s bullshit. We’ve got to have more money. Why did you let me know about this sooner?

I just never had the heart to tell you.

But I thought you were a virgin!

I’m sorry.

She says she sorry. What good will that do? We’re about to lose the house and she’s only sorry. What a joke.

This is too funny. I can’t believe you won’t have sex until marriage. I don’t have a problem with the present.

This requires serious thought. It’s a tough one. Let me think about it.

And there he left her. The image he had of his ideal woman had been shattered and every belief he held sacred was thrust into a state of disillusionment and he didn’t know what he should do. No longer would she glow like an angel in his sight. From now on, he saw a stranger. One who had been dirtied by the hands of another. He would not be the one. Some other had taken that treasure. The jealousy was murdering his mentality.

Are you okay?

Yes, I’ve got to think this all out.

What is there to think about? Our child will not be named after you. I already have a name.

Which is?

I can get some money from my sister. She’s always got something and won’t worry about anything.

I don’t know about that.

Why not?

That name is really stupid.

Do you have another idea?

I don’t know. If you really want to and since we’re getting married anyway

You can’t cheat the readers with an immoral ending. After all of this, selling out for the sake of sex is too lame of a plot closure. Wimping out right here is just too much.

Then what do you suppose we do.

You’re right, I love you so I’ll wait. It isn’t right for me to lose my religion over something like this. If I’ve waited 25 years, I can wait 25 weeks… at least.

That’s good honey.

Just one question.

What’s that?

I suppose we can borrow money from your sister as long as she’s cool with it. I just don’t want to be a leech. I have pride.

I understand.

Then tell me. I probably don’t even now him.

You promise not to go crazy over it.

Yes. Now tell me.

DeWitt George.

Charles Chauncey.

DeWitt George.

Charles Chauncey.