Goals of The Finger
- An ethnic dancing finger, much like Micheal Jackson's Black or White video. It
will morph into hands of different ethnicities. Will it happen? Most likely
not. The finger is already an insult to humanity, we needn't piss off those who haven't
been offended yet.
- TDFOS: The Movie, already in production, this movie will change the way
that people view the most overused part of the amerikan body.
- TDFOS: My memoirs As A Poster Thing For Sarcasm. Unfortunately
the finger doesn't want it published since he won't be able to sign the book and keep it
open at the same time. For those of you who don't know, the finger is both
independent and stubborn.
- A lawsuit against Stone Cold Steve Austin seems in order since he has stolen the gimmick
of both TDFOS and ECW's The Standman. Notice a similarity?
- TDFOS is also hoping to get a gig on Celebrity Death Match where he
wants to match wits against his greatest foe: The Wiggling Toe of Sincerity. Evil!
- TDFOS would also like to do more gigs on tv. After a successful
career in several teen movies, he felt compelled to do something smaller.
Unfortunately, censors have banned TDFOS from ever doing anything on
network which greatly kills his chances for exposure.
- A lecture circuit so that the fans of The Finger can see the appendage behind the myth.
- Direct a music video.
- Find the guy that coined the term "pull my finger" and poke him in the eyes.
- Meet his estranged father, Hand (from The Addams Family) and make up for lost times.
- Has plans to direct a Jerry Maguire sequel where the catchprase will be "Show Me
The Finger." Unfortunately, The Finger has yet to find a reason for this quote.
Although, when you're in Hollywood...
- Beat The Thumb in a Caged, Stairway to Hell, exploding bomb thumb wrestling match.
He has been training and with exception of that nasty hang nail achilles tendon of
his, he can win.
Things you didn't know about The Finger and no reason to
- TDFOS believes in charity, which is why he dedicates every 99th
"dance" to The People Tormented By The Music(?) Of John Tesh, Kenny G, and
- TDFOS is strongly against smoking. Burns derived from dropped
ashes can put a hamper on his career as the Web's Sweetheart.
- Once upon a time, before The Finger found religion, he was a serial killer which
explains the abscence of many fingers across this country. He would store them away
in a freezer for use as hor'duers (sp?). He had hopes that one day his actions would
be remembered for use in a lousy joke.
- Had a scene cut from Scream. TDFOS was on hand to be the finger
to go through Billy's wound at the end. It was an Oscar caliber performance, but
alas, they decided that the finger wasn't "attractive" enough to go in and out
of an open wound.