SDM: the movie
by: Rex Tripp It seems to be that every decade or so there is a movie that comes out that helps you to appreciate the previous "worst movie ever." That title did belong to John Waters' Pink Flamingos. It seems that now the title belongs to, without any doubt whatsoever, SDM: the movie, perhaps the worst movie ever. Sadly enough I had to see it to realize this. I believe the only way for me to deter people from seeing this piece of crap is to ruin it for everybody, not that the filmakers haven't already done this. SDM has an all-star cast which makes me wonder what the directors did to the cast to keep them on the set. The movie begins with Redd Foxx (in the credits, the filmakers assure us that it was really his body) sitting in a recliner with an obviously over abundance of makeup (to cover up the rot perhaps?). After a five minute closeup that pans his entire body many times, a tornado sweeps through the shed Mr. Foxx was inhabiting. After this disaster, the credits role. In perhaps its most creative twist, there is a little girl spraypainting the credits on the wall. Of course, she's getting high off of the fumes and as she does this she is singing Hanson's Mmmmbop (Cute? Or is it?). Right before she completes the disclaimer (of what, I have no idea), she is shot down by two rednecks with Uzis. Since it is a traumatic to recant this experience, I'll just give you a rundown. It seemed that there were three plots (maybe more). Plot 1: God (Charleton Heston) being double teamed in a no disqualification wrestling match by Satan (James Woods) and Mort (Satan's helper, played by Eric Idle). Plot 2: World Domination by the staff of SDM (a half assed magazine I am told). They trick Mort into getting Satan to wrestle God, so they can pull it off without him knowing it. Plot 3: The quest of Max (Burt Reynolds) to end world hunger by killing grocery store workers and driving a bus through the store with his army of homeless and getting food, alcohol, and plastic toys for the millions of homeless that span the country. This perhaps the happy ending for the movie, except he is killed by SDM because of their deal with Mort for tricking Satan (they would have done it regardless). The movie ends (hopefully no sequel) with Mort being killed by SDM when they switching his coffee sugar with bad heroin, ground up acid, cocaine, and crack rock. I have never seen anything more ridiculous than a death that happens in such a way. Of course, Mort loses all touch with reality and is able to take out a member of SDM (Abraham Benrubi) before his death. After his death Satan comes up from the "bowels of hell" (the time limit ran out so they called it a draw), he tells them how he was impressed by their work, so they throw a party. As the stripper enters, the cast start yelling to shut down the cameras since sex would make this a "not so family kind of movie." As the director says "Alright," Satan is stabbed in the back by a member of SDM (Christopher Walken) and the staff at SDM enter the "Gateway To Hell." |