These are nothing more than supplements written by staff members of SDM in whole, part, or individually. They all fit in well with what it's all about here. Just feel free to read them but remember the copyright belongs to the respective author(s). No need in us getting ripped off.

america: a love to be hated
by dave black

What is American? Frozen, industry made apple pie and overpriced baseball games with third rate player who earn your life in a year. Damn right. That's not what it's all about, though. Here in the great country of America, there are a few things that we can brag about that those other countries out there better think twice about before they stake claim to it. When it comes to our homegrown style of national pride, there is only that other country that can stake almost an equal claim to our style. Don't worry, France, we're ten times better than you, so you can stop competing with us, because not only do we have you beat, but I'm going to tell you how.

No, this isn't some kind of East of the Atlantic/West of the Atlantic war being waged, I just wanted to mention France for no apparent reason whatsoever. Nor is this some lame ass, overly recycled "You know you're an American when..." because honestly if you have to be told this stuff, then you sure as hell aren't one, no matter how many times you fit the bill. That's just ridiculous. All this is is an essay fueled by something that has been plaguing me since the ninth grade. I've just now decided to write it so get ready to appreciate America.

First off, I'm not saying I agree with any of the wars American soldiers have fought throughout the history of this great nation, but pelting the soldiers with food isn't exactly what I'd call a happy home coming. So we go overseas, suffer losses one should only have nightmares about, and to make it all better a bunch of flower wearing, drug inducing, baby producers are there to greet them with jeers and shit. How American. If anything, there should've been someone waiting at the airport for when the troops got back, and the hippies should've been waiting at the White House waiting for "the call" so the president could've been pelted. No, better yet, why didn't they devote themselves to a cause that made sense, like Velveeta vs. real cheese. Anything would have been better than blaming those who did not deserve or need disrespect.

The hospitality to foreigners can only be rivaled by that of one nation. Yep, you guessed it, France. Except here, we don't make fun of people for not knowing French (we're too damn stupid to know French), so we pick on them for not knowing "american." Pick on me, I'd be embarrassed to know "american." We have many unique dialects in America. Don't expect to find redneck, white trash (not color bound), ebonics, urban street dialect (many morons out there assume it's ebonics, when the primer here is nothing more than a rap album) brooklynese, that Fargo language (Canada has its own version), as well as Justin Wilson's take on Creole. It's a hodge podge of Babel.

Another thing about our world hospitality is that we know how to treat our guests. We are so civilized that we know the greatest secret to treating tourist well. Before you let them see the US and run back to their country and tell everyone not to visit because of its scenic displays of trash and beautiful array of deficient prostitutes, you kill them. That way no one will ever know the horrors of this oh so beautiful country.

Everything is racist. Only in America will rednecks blame only blacks for being on welfare when the fault is a problem because ALL the people on welfare messed up. Besides, more welfare recipients are white. Also: OJ, who had no idea of what black culture was, became a mascot for the racial struggle everywhere. He's knows more about fitting the socially conceived "white" role than he'll ever know about being "black." Yet, white people everywhere think he's guilty because he's black and she was white. No matter how you look at it, that IS why. If he is guilty, then it's because he killed his ex-wife not a white woman.

What else can we boast? Our kids are stupid. The government would rather we send money to Sally Struthers than support the homeless. Of course the ones who complain about this little bit of irony are the ones who run from the homeless they bitch so much about the government helping. Husbands can't cheat without getting caught. MTV. The media. We attempt so viciously to convict those who try to better the suffering of those in pain. That means drugs are bad and Kevorkian is the Antichrist. Abortion (either way you choose it).

Sure there are lots and lots of other things that make America the beautiful country that it is. I could go on and on, but the more I write about it, the more it seems to rot my brain. America does that to you. An infectious disease that grows and grows until you hate it or you love it. Personally, I'm glad I hate everything America stands for, because I know that I'll never be jaded by what it has offer.

...and that ladies and gentlemen, is why I am glad to be an American.

For any educated parties reading this, you may have noticed that I used American and America when that actually applies to two continents. Well, we as US citizens have done such a good job of fucking up that meaning that other countries take offense at it. I'm only showing why they do. That and most US citizens consider themselves Americans as if that's an exclusive right. This isn't my fault, I'm only taking advantage of it. Don't blame the chalkboard erasing person because the teacher wrote down a wrong answer and the kids failed the test.